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CHEECH7208 -> Liberty City Life Lessons (5/4/2008 11:40:41 AM)
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Liberty City Life Lessons
Rules to live by in a big city.
1) Don't take too long at the toll booth.
Yesterday someone in front of me just sat there after paying the toll. I took out my uzi and raked the side of his Banshee. I didn't bother to check to see if I hit him or not. C'est la vie.
2) Avoid the parks.
They are a cesspool of prostitutes, drug dealers and crazies. Also, even though I'm sure there is a by-law about vehicles in the park, you WILL get run over sooner or later, probably by me.
3) Don't be homeless.
If I see people warming their hands over a fire in a garbage can, they WILL get run over. Just a heads up.
4) Avoid the boardwalk.
I like to drive along it on my bike at top speed. Be forewarned, I WILL hit things.....and I prefer those things to be soft and pulpy like people, not hard like a bench or a lightpost.
5) Don't spill your drink on me.
Yesterday I was just walking along minding my own business when a dude bumped into me and spilled his soda all over me. I took out my shotgun, butted him in the face and shot him in the chest. As I was collecting the money he dropped I thought to myself, "That was a bit excessive!" But you know what? I think in the end he really learned a valuable lesson from this............and I did too, people with soft drinks have money on them. So there ya go.
6) Don't cross the street.
If you value your life, you will avoid walking on ANY city street. For that matter it's best to avoid the sidewalks as well. You never know when some crazy driver is going to come out of nowhere, either plowing into you directly, or hitting a loggers truck, knocking a huge log into your face and smashing you into a phone booth. Come to think of it, if you REALLY want to live, it's best to never, EVER leave your apartment. Order in.
More to come....
7) When car is on fire, exit car immediately.
You would think this would be self explanatory, but noooo! I had to learn it the hard way! [:(]
Add your own.[:)]
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